I haven’t written a blog post for such a long time. Life just seems to be so busy, especially during the last year, or I have overdone things and not felt like writing. It has been quite a challenging year with some of the challenges carried forward into this year, however I am determined to not allow this to take over my life. It has not all been doom and gloom, although it has felt it often, several good things have come from 2016 , from life in general and also from the challenges last year. Continue reading
Click this link to listen to the broadcast – BBC – Inside Health
Listen from 14:33
Great to see the BBC raising awareness of the rare condition I have. I am totally shocked at the figure stated for those who heal in the first 6 to 12 months, only because that leaves me in the 15 percent that suffer lifelong with this condition. I often wonder if a quicker diagnosis and specialist physiotherapy would have put me in the 85 percent who heal completely in the first year. We will never know. Continue reading
I wanted to share this interesting blog post http://www.crps247.com/grief–identity.html which I found when researching grief and CRPS after feeling extremely overwhelmed about the loss of a life once lived before disability.
This evening I sat sobbing my heart out into the dogs fur over how I loved jumping in the car and heading to the beach at Brown’s Bay, paddling in the water, and throwing the ball for the dog. Remembering the day I was in the water well over my backside down at Port Road beach trying to recover the dog’s ball because she wouldn’t! The laughs and fun times I had with my pooch when I could still live my life like most other people; a life where I could go to work and still have energy to take the dog out even after twelve hours stood on my feet!
Most of the time I can manage the feelings that come from thinking of a life that I should be having, however every once in a while grief takes over and I mourn for the loss of the life I had before CRPS struck. Tonight was one of those times.
There are five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) and these stages apply to the death of a loved one, the loss of a relationship, and in my case the loss of the life I once had, and the loss of the life I perceived I would have. A loss caused by an unfortunate accident that should have healed with no problems. Who would have guessed a dislocation and fracture would lead to a life with unending pain caused by Complex Regional Pain Syndrome.
I mainly live in the stage of acceptance, however like most other people that grieve there are times of the year when the other stages of grief come into play such as when I am unable to do something because of my disability then the anger stage comes out until I start resolving the issue in an alternate way then I am in the bargaining stage of “what if I try it this way”. This doesn’t always work and I end up back at the anger stage or I find peace and go straight to the acceptance stage. Then there are the times of the year that bring about the depression stage. One particular time of the year for me is September – this is the month in which the anniversary of my accident falls. It was inevitable that I would eventually end up sobbing at some point during this month and tonight was that night, exactly a week away from the eighth anniversary of the accident that changed my life forever.
It’s okay to cry though. It is an outlet for all the emotions that build up when you grieve. It’s a natural process that will ease as time passes, and a process that will also creep up on you unexpectedly causing you to cry into the dog’s fur, like what happened to me this evening. The point to remember though is that it is just another stage of the perpetual cycle of grief and it will pass. Tomorrow I may be in denial, or I could end up being angry, or bargaining again, however I do know that I will settle back into the acceptance stage like I do every year and move on with my life, to strive to achieve great things even if they look very minor to other people.
I accept that it is perfectly normal, and perfectly fine, to pass through these stages and it is perfectly okay to allow them to be a part of my life.
Here we are on the last day. Where has two weeks gone. It has gone in a blink of an eye and yet when we were at sea it seemed to take an age for time to pass. Early start. We were up before the wake up call, showered, dressed and quietly finishing off our packing. Breakfast was had on deck, hubby did my last mess duty as he knew I would need to save my energy for the travel home. To most people catching a flight is just that, easy and simple to do. To me it is a challenging adventure, and a painful one at that as the pressure during flight affects my foot causing extra swelling and more pain. Plus sitting in aircraft seats can be quite an uncomfortable experience especially if my Fibromyalgia pain is high, which it is today. What more did I expect after fourteen days on a tall ship. All I want is to be zapped from here to home in a millisecond and feel my nice soft bed under my sore body. Continue reading
Exhausted and agony are not strong enough words for how I feel today. I think the climb really took its toll on my body and even with the additional pain I am enduring I would not have changed my decision yesterday to climb as high as the second yard. I got higher than I ever did before and I am so proud of my achievement. The pain and fatigue will never take that achievement away from me because I did it. I could not have done it though without the permanent crew of Nellie and all the voyage crew that hung onto the rope to take my weight. It would have been different if I was sat here in pain and to not have done the climb then I would have regrets about not pushing through, however I did do what I set out to achieve so how can I possibly have regrets. I just need to find a way to get through today as my energy levels are running very low and I am determined not to miss any of the action today. Continue reading
Slept pretty well overnight which I didn’t think I would with the ship being so still. Breakfast was served up on deck, which was nice especially as the scenery is so beautiful. Everyone is in good spirits despite the late night last night and hangovers this morning. First order of the day was to gather on the dock for the crew photographs. My first step, or should I say wheel, on foreign ground since I had my accident seven years ago! Several of the crew had to be woken up this morning so they arrived on the dock a little shell shocked. By the time we all got off the ship our old voyage friend was back – it was raining quite heavily. We had a whole crew photo first then split off for individual watch photos. I had our watch leader B strewn across my lap with H and S holding either her legs or upper body. It made for a good photo which was a bit more fun than just a row of people. The photo summed our voyage up nicely I think – a bit of rain, some laughs along the way and a great team spirit. By the way if you are reading this and was on this voyage and have a copy of the crew photos please get in touch as I would love to have a copy.