I haven’t written a blog post for such a long time. Life just seems to be so busy, especially during the last year, or I have overdone things and not felt like writing. It has been quite a challenging year with some of the challenges carried forward into this year, however I am determined to not allow this to take over my life. It has not all been doom and gloom, although it has felt it often, several good things have come from 2016 , from life in general and also from the challenges last year. Continue reading
Here we are on the last day. Where has two weeks gone. It has gone in a blink of an eye and yet when we were at sea it seemed to take an age for time to pass. Early start. We were up before the wake up call, showered, dressed and quietly finishing off our packing. Breakfast was had on deck, hubby did my last mess duty as he knew I would need to save my energy for the travel home. To most people catching a flight is just that, easy and simple to do. To me it is a challenging adventure, and a painful one at that as the pressure during flight affects my foot causing extra swelling and more pain. Plus sitting in aircraft seats can be quite an uncomfortable experience especially if my Fibromyalgia pain is high, which it is today. What more did I expect after fourteen days on a tall ship. All I want is to be zapped from here to home in a millisecond and feel my nice soft bed under my sore body. Continue reading
I should have been on watch between 4 am and 8 am but due to sky high pain hubby thought it wise for me to remain in bed, take more painkillers and rest when he got up at 3:30 am. He didn’t even wake me at 6 am as agreed. I was a little miffed about this but I understand why he did it. He knows that I am on the verge of burn out and my spoons are going overboard to become treasures of the sea. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes, I get taken over by sheer determination that I fail to listen to what my body is telling me. I didn’t sleep very well last night, the first night on board that I never slept. I only got about four hours sleep and that was between 4 am and 8 am – ironically the hours that I should have been on my watch so maybe hubby was right to leave me where I was at 6 am. I even slept through the 7:30 am wake up call!
Began watch at 12 midnight to an abundance of Christmas trees on the horizon. Why has Christmas featured so much during this voyage I do not know! We even had Once in Royal David’s City sang during watch tonight as H could not think of anything else to sing.
Anyway back to those Christmas trees on the horizon. They were not Christmas trees, they were fishing vessels, oil rigs, drilling platforms, Floatels and guard ships. We were right in the middle of an exclusion zone for the rigs! We should not have been in these waters. Thankfully though due to no one working in the water around the rigs tonight we had been given permission to pass through the exclusion zone. We had planned to pass with the rigs to our port side but a wind shift put us on course to pass right between a fully built rig and a partially built rig. A manoeuvre which was forbidden. We only had permission to pass with at least a mile between us and these two rigs and to go between them would have put us within this smaller exclusion zone. Due to this we had to take a detour, to change tack and pass the rigs to starboard side.
Here I am sitting waiting for hubby listening to the fizzle pop of rain falling on the car. Listening to to the tunes of U105 feeling melancholy and thinking of life. A life that seems to be running away so fast. Speeding along as if rushing to an important date or an exciting event. I don’t see death being either of those. So why does life flit by in the blink of an eye. How did we get to the middle of April without our feet barely touching the ground. Oh to be young again when time seemed to last forever. Where summer holidays lasted what seemed like years. Where school days lingered long. We all rush to grow up. To be an adult. To live life as we please. Only to find that adulthood is a ball and chain round your ankle. Where life is still not yours to do with what you want unless if course you were born into money. No! Adult life is far from the imaginings of a child. Life gradually speeds up in your twenties, hastens by in your thirties, and disappears in the blink of an eye in your forties, and I hate to think how quick it will go when I am in my fifties, sixties and seventies. I am certainly at the stage of life where I feel scared that it is nearly over. That I don’t have time left to do all that I want. That my stupid body prevents me from fully partaking in my life. That eight years of my life have slipped away with hardly a blink since becoming disabled. I often feel that I am on the outside looking in. Watching others having fun, having energy to go out, visit places I would love to go but are totally inaccessible to me. Places I long to see and experience. I never was one to stay on the beaten track, always being the person who wanted to go the long way, the challenging way, the way most would not generally go. Now I am confined to the beaten track asking constant questions like is it accessible, how much energy will it take, how long will it take to recover, how hard will it be for hubby. I have never been a dependant person, fiercely independent is what I am so I find it difficult asking for help, depending on others to lift and carry, and depending on someone to push me in the wheelchair. The main person who does this is my hubby. That is not what we planned for our married life. Not until we were ancient and nearing the end. This should be our time. Where son has grown up and our lives become our own. Where we can have fun and find ourselves as a couple again. Living in constant pain takes that away to some degree. We can’t be spontaneous everything has to be planned and mainly around one or two days a week, nothing can be planned for an evening on a work night and at least one day a week is given over to recovering from the immense effort involved with getting ready for work, driving too and from work and plastering on that smile for eight or so hours a day to hide the pain and exhaustion. Just so I can have four days a week where I feel normal. Well as normal as you can be with chronic pain. I often think how much harder my life would be without hubby. He is the one that keeps me going not just by helping me physically but mentally too. I am absolutely petrified of anything happening to him. Our life is so finally balanced managing my CRPS and Fibromyalgia it would only take something small for the table to tip and everything to come crashing down around our ears. Life is so so fragile, so unpredictable and so very short and I pray each and every day for equilibrium to be maintained at the very least.
Up early this morning for breakfast in the upper mess, I am on watch from 8 am to 12:30 pm and hubby is on mess duty. Even though the sea is rough and the ship is rocking from side to side with waves slamming into her, and I am jammed up against the port bulkhead in the upper mess to stop my wheelchair from sliding any further, it was nice to start the day with a hearty breakfast of freshly caught fish from yesterday’s catch. A big thank you goes out to the medical purser and pals for their fishing skills! Continue reading
A few months ago I got it into my head that I wanted to go on a spa weekend with my hubby for our anniversary. Hubby wasn’t overly keen, however with a bit of work, he finally agreed to give it a go. I wasn’t sure if I would benefit from it due to the pain of CRPS and the rest of my medical issues. I was worried that massage would hurt too much or that I would not manage the additional moving around to use the facilities to the full benefit. Continue reading