I saw this the other day on a blog I follow and thought I would re-blog it here as I think it is a very good description of chronic pain.
He follows me and leaves me behind. He waits and lies and lies in wait. False hope is thrown at me with abandon by people with degrees but no degree of empathy. I abandon hope when he is here. I hear him in my thoughts and feel him moving in my veins, seeping, dripping and overwhelming me, every part of me on fire. I take some hope and still he is here only now I am defenseless. I have no strength to fight and no will to be free. I accept him. He is here, he is surrounding me swamping me and blanketing me with suffocating grief until I can longer breath. Then, is it any wonder I have anger deep inside? Why don’t they know why I hurt? Why can’t they stop it? Why me? Why now?
He confuses me. Makes me angry with everyone and everything. Simple sentences make no sense and I speak nonsense. I grasp at ideas of normality clinging to ideals of what my life is like, would be like. I want to scream and rip him out of me. Pulling and pulling by my veins for relief, purging me so I am not angry so I can stop screaming in my head so I am quiet again.
To be quiet again. I won’t. I can’t. He follows me. He waits. He lies. He is Pain.